Among the social circle of Top Ten Excuses – yes, we actually have one – reactions to Standard & Poor’s downgrade of the U.S. credit rating have ranged from outrage to despondence. So seeing a video of some Tea Partiers seeming rather self-congratulatory over the recent Congressional debacle and current financial fiasco, we had to wonder: what’s their excuse? And being Top Ten Excuses, we were happy to answer our own question.
10. The “To the victor belong the spoils” excuse.
Bond rating, shmond rating! We won, we won, we won!
9. The “Domino champion” excuse.
See how the rest of the world is following the lead of the crashing U.S. markets? America is number one again!
8. The “Silver lining” excuse.
This is our party’s moment in the sun! Who cares if the polls show the sun is setting? Lying lamestream media!
7. The “March of Progress” excuse.
Yesterday Main Street, today the Capitol, tomorrow Wall Street! We’ll teach those guys a thing or two they don’t know about economics. Not to mention all the things we don’t know about economics!
6. The “Portfolio is half full” excuse.
Actually, some of us have done quite well in the AA+ market.
5. The “Pennies from Heaven” excuse.
The game is never over. When stocks fall, buy low. Unless, of course, you’re just scraping together your daily expenses. Then, we’re afraid, you’re going to have to buy high.
4. The “Free enterprise” excuse.
And thank God we finally wrested Social Security out of Obama’s clutches! Now we can start removing all vestiges of not only socialism but security!
3. The “Payback” excuse.
Now those no-good, freeloading kids of ours will just have to build their own postwar boom like we did, and suck it up and pay their bills like we did, and face the harsh realities of life like we did. And once we gut health care, they won’t have to worry like we do about extended life spans.
2. The “On the other hand” excuse.
We’ve freed the economy from the crippling burden of taxes! What’s that? Wall Street says not enough taxes is an even more crippling burden? Well, gosh, if we’re going to march in lockstep with the corporate agenda, I think we’re going to need a little more clarity from the bosses!
1. The “Sign from Providence” excuse.
Don’t you just love the name Standard & Poor’s? The Lord must have chosen them as His instrument to convey His blessing on us for what we do best: uphold the Standards of the rich and keep everybody else Poor.