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Top Ten Excuses for Tea Partiers to Gloat over Holding the World Economy Hostage

Among the social circle of Top Ten Excuses – yes, we actually have one – reactions to Standard & Poor’s downgrade of the U.S. credit rating have ranged from outrage to despondence. So seeing a video of some Tea Partiers … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for Married, Anti-Gay Indiana Rep. Phillip Hinkle to Troll Craigslist for Teen Hustlers (and Be Extraordinarily Incompetent at Covering His Tracks)

10. The “Innocent Fun” excuse. Like I said in the emails, all I wanted was some company and a really good time. He didn’t even wait for me to tune in the Disney Channel and order up some popcorn from … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for Running a Gay Mafia in the Archdiocese of Miami

When Top Ten Excuses read Gawker’s exposé on pervasive homosexuality, corruption, and abuse of power among the professedly celibate Roman Catholic clergy and hierarchy of South Florida, we contacted the church for some official excuses. They claimed they were too … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for Congress to Play Chicken with the Debt Limit

10. The “Tit for tat” excuse. You want health care? Fine. We’ll just take our government and go home. 9. The “Zero sum” excuse. Not enough greenbacks. Too many geezers. Somethin’s gotta give. Any guesses? 8. The “No comparison” excuse. … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for the Weekly World News to Scandalize Itself to Death

Phone hacking! Of the war dead! Concealing and destroying evidence…in the case of a missing little girl! Police payoffs! Criminals at the highest levels of government! Hundreds sacked! A continent-straddling corporate colossus! This is a story for the Weekly World … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for the Knob Hill Homeowner’s Association Denying a Paralyzed Veteran an Adaptive Home Denying a Paralyzed Veteran an Adaptive Home

10. The “Small minds need big houses” excuse. Well, you see, that house was just too small. You know, who wants to buy property in a neighborhood that’s got a small house in it? Well, that’s right, not like too … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for Education and Civil Rights Advocacy Groups to Whore Themselves Out to Corporate America

Top Ten Excuses couldn’t help noticing it has been one rough week for public-spirited advocacy groups. The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) took heat for appearing to give away the store in the debate over Medicare—then for rather tortuously … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for Starting a National Conversation about a Weiner’s wiener

10. The “Hackneyed” excuse. Somebody hacked my Facebook! Um, I mean my Twitter! OK, so nobody’s buying the hacking story, time to go with vast rightwing conspiracy! #ThatsTheTicket 9. The “I didn’t get where I am by sweating the details” … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for Candidates’ Lack of Historical Knowledge

1. The “Johnny Horton” excuse. Well, when the British burned Washington in the War of 1814, they were back messing with us again and trying to melt down our arms, but we were too smart for them and sent all … Continue reading

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Top Ten Excuses for Kraft Foods to Target Diabetes-Prone Hispanics as the Growth Market for Kool-Aid

10. The “Sibling rivalry” excuse. Hey, why should Coca-Cola be the only ones to be making a killing in this market? 9. The “Pungently literal” excuse. There’s all kinds of room for growth here: demographic, vertical, horizontal, circumferential — everybody … Continue reading

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