Phone hacking! Of the war dead! Concealing and destroying evidence…in the case of a missing little girl! Police payoffs! Criminals at the highest levels of government! Hundreds sacked! A continent-straddling corporate colossus! This is a story for the Weekly World News! Oh wait, it’s the story OF the Weekly World News!
10. The “International reputation” excuse.
Yes, we’re taking it hard. When you’ve stood before the world as a beacon of journalistic integrity as long as we have, and something like this happens, you feel cast adrift. What’s next? Parts of the Middletons we haven’t seen?
9. The “Ashes to ashes” excuse.
You know, we had this synergy planned with another of Mr. Murdoch’s properties. All the grieving families’ phone conversations would go up on MySpace. It was really our memorial program for the fallen. What with MySpace being a graveyard and all.
8. The “Shoemaker hoist on his own last” excuse.
So then when Mr. Murdoch dumped MySpace, we figured we’d do what we do best: whip up a scandal. With a twist! It appears in the event we were too clever by half.
7. The “When you gotta dump, you gotta dump” excuse.
And Mr. Murdoch appears to be in a dumping mood.
6. The “Fleet Street Irregulars” excuse.
None of us could make heads or tails of those messages from that missing little girl, and we’re trained and seasoned reporters! So of course we wanted new clues: the game wasn’t over!
5. The “Wait, didn’t you…?” excuse.
I think somebody wrote that stuff down before we deleted it. It’s probably around here somewhere. Or was, before the removers came.
4. The “Best of Intentions” excuse.
We were only trying to help the police! Of course, if you’re going to call it destroying evidence, I admit, that doesn’t put it in a good light at all.
3. The “Benevolent Police Association” excuse.
Well, there is more than one way to help the police. Hard to imagine people who make less than reporters, innit?
2. The “London Noir” excuse.
That’s right, Mum, it’s just like you said: Dashed ideals and broken dreams are all just part of the cost of doing business in dirty old London Town.
1. The “One hand washes the other” excuse.
When you’re in the business of dirty laundry, you don’t blush at a few dirty tricks.